Noon Prayer at the Harvest. Theodor Schüz, 1867.
Are not all parents homeschoolers?
Not in the sense of what happened in March 2020 and the months (or even years for some) that directly followed. Nor are we referring to “unschooling” or merely spatial schooling. We are talking about parents taking their role in educating their children seriously, to the point where they take matters into their own hearts and channel them in a personal way into the culture of their family and the individual souls entrusted to that family. This is the vocation to catechize and evangelize today’s youth. It is simply not enough to vet a solid Catholic school, pay tuition, frequent the carpool line, and check the grade portal periodically for updates. No, parents are called to much more than that.
Adults must understand that their call to raise their child includes the child’s education — it is an intrinsic part of what defines a parent in the first place. For years, the Catholic Church has proclaimed parents as the primary educators. The first voice and most obvious influence in the life of the child in any pursuit of the truth. We know this, but do we actually live through this lens? Too often, this has been actualized as lip service for goodwill and not actually fostered in the home or at the school. In some ways, it is easier to mention and cite than it is to practice.
Pope Paul VI captured this well in 1965 in his encyclical Gravissimum Educationis when he states, “This role in education is so important that only with difficulty can it be supplied where it is lacking. Parents are the ones who must make a family atmosphere supplied and animated by love and respect for God and man, in which the well-rounded personal and societal education of children is fostered. Hence the family is the first school of social virtues that every society needs.”
Of course, we are attempting to make a claim here, one that merits a distinction of terms. It is essential to state here that actual homeschooling is a beautiful vocation for parents whose family is called to it. And one in which, when that call is answered, allows for the domestic church to serve as the catalyst for the child’s entire education. It is truly a gift and we have all seen the fruits of this in countless “homeschool families” over the years. In fact, a wealth of my personal friends come from these families.
Over time, popular trends in our culture have seeped into parenting, and for other families, necessity has brought about various waves of evolution in who shares in this formation. Enter daycare, full-time nannies, extended family, professional experts, and coaches.
Any parent who chooses to send their children to a school is making a decision to enter into a relationship by sharing the formation of their child(ren) with other adults. This is why it is imperative that parents discern wisely and choose a school whose mission and vision match the family’s philosophy of education. Failure to discern this shared vision results in regular conflict, division, and ultimately hurts the child. Similarly, Catholic schools must optimize the admissions process to determine if a family is a match for the school. Questions related to the school’s mission and vision, faith and morals, joy and leisure, conflict and discipline must be a part of this discernment process. It is important to note that a perfect match is not the goal, but rather openness and a shared vision should be the goal.
Pope Pius XI echoed this idea in Divini Illius Magistri when he stated, “In the first place the Church’s mission of education is in the wonderful agreement with that of the family for both to proceed from God and in a remarkably similar manner. God directly communicated to the family, in the natural order, fecundity, which is the principle of life, and hence also the principle of education to life, together with authority, the principle of order.”
In the end, at the heart of the matter is shared formation. Yes, formation. And yes, shared. Both sides paddling the same boat together, in tandem.
That is the target from which all parties must aim, and trust and communication will serve as the bookends to this motive. That needs to be infused and almost marketed from day one. This means painting a picture for all of the adults in this setting: “Are we not all homeschoolers?”. I know of one school leader who addresses parents at the annual open house with the same message each year. He tells the prospective parents that if they choose to send their son to his school, there will come a day when he will have to call them and let them know that their son has made an error. Whether it be academic, behavioral, or even moral, he is going to make this call and bring the parents into the situation. He lays out a few options most parents would consider choosing for their response and then lets them know that if they choose anything other than a shared partnership in addressing the issue directly and forming the student, then they should probably look for another school. It is a bold proclamation, but one that works and has stood the test of time.
What is essential (for both the school and the parents), much like in a marriage and family, is seeking balance.
Parents want to trust the school they are choosing for their child. What they desire is the trust found in a deeply fostered relationship established over a period of years. Both the young and new parents easily forget that this is something that grows and develops over time through relationships. One that is founded on things like hope, goodwill, and the benefit of the doubt.
Schools need to be clear with parents that they will be forming their children, and this includes teaching, coaching, mentoring, and disciplining them. Teachers will build relationships with the children to not merely educate them but ultimately, to offer them Christ. They will also stop a child in the hallway to strike up a conversation, and there will be times when correction is necessary. Schools also must take on the virtue of humility and apologize both broadly and specifically when necessary.
Schools need to be reminded by parents that they are working together and show a compassionate heart when families have difficulty arriving at school on time or who cannot contribute to a school fund, and so on. Parents need to respect school officials and reply to communications without being defensive or making demands and not see their family as the exception to the rule.
Ultimately, schools need to help parents strike a balance between understanding what they want and need as well as how this fits into the vision and mission of the school.
Parents want perspective. They do not need validation of their decisions and actions, but rather, they want assurance that we are both working towards the same goals.
Parents need to be empowered to form their children well; this is not a task to be left to clinical professionals. Nor is it the responsibility of the school, regardless of its number of advanced degrees or years of experience in a professional setting — the faculty is there to support the family in forming and loving their students. Instead, it is the family, and in fact the parents, that have the first and most influential impact on an individual, which ultimately leads to them understanding themselves and their calling in life.
Harper Lee captures this well through her character Atticus Finch in her classical novel To Kill a Mockingbird. Through Atticus, she teaches the reader a lesson when describing empathy and understanding others before any judgment of them. In the text, Finch shares with his children that, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” This is something that seems elementary, but adults seem to have such great difficulty with it. But what is even more telling is that it falls within the context of Atticus forming his own kids on this matter. It is as if Lee is trying to say, “Yes, virtuous men shine brightly in the public arena, but that is typically when real formation is happening at home within the family.” Lee modeled the character after her own father, from whose formation she benefited greatly.
Perhaps in Atticus we find an example of balanced compassion for others achieved through the formation of youth. Let schools and parents strive to raise children with this goal in mind.
Whether you are a homeschooler (in the strict sense or not), never understate the role you have as a formator to model the love of God the Father in the hearts of the children entrusted to our care.